ah fuck it

Yeah, well, sometimes no news it definitely not good news.

My life is pretty wonderful... my healthy living...not so much.

So much to be grateful for. So many reasons to be looking after myself. Some habits just die hard I guess.

It's my mum's birthday today. When she was my age she was dying... and right now I have a good friend who is also dying... he has pancreatic cancer. And here I am, squandering away my health instead of living each day to the fullest. I'm so fucking done with it, it's not funny. It's time to get my shit together.

I'm just finishing up 2 weeks of holidays...now it's time to get really serious. I have a gym and swimming pool at my finger tips. A husband who is on a major quest to improve his fitness. A daughter who is an elite athlete and constantly on the go. And a dog and little children who love nothing more than getting out in the open with their mum.

I must admit, the weather change as we head into spring is helping me. I'm sure I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder as I always realise at this time of year how depressed I've been and feel myself lifting out of a fog.

So I need help to get my shit together... what the help will look like I'm not sure yet. A psych maybe?

Going good!

I thought I'd better do an update.  I will weigh myself tomorrow, but I know I have lost weight. I just know because of the basic formula of putting less in than I am putting out.

Today I played in a mother/daughter footy match... I hurt my knee playing basketball last year (the PCL), and haven't done anything more serious than a walk since then. I didn't want to miss out today so I watched a youtube video about how to strap your knee when you have a dodgy PCL and off I went! I played the whole game (4 x 15min quarters). The 3rd quarter I didn't do much as I was in the back line, but the rest of the game I got to run around a bit... and although my joints are a little achey now, it showed me that I can still do stuff! It felt great and reminded me how much I missed basketball...I had played for two seasons and really loved the competitiveness and found the game distracted me from the physical discomfort I tend to focus on when I'm running/walking. So I'm trying to work out what the happy medium is...something that is competitive like a team sport, but that won't kill my poor badly treated old body lol. One thought is orienteering. Anybody else have any good suggestions??

My eating had not been perfect, but far closer to normal. For the first time in my life I've been really thinking about what I eat and how it affects me. For example, the mornings I eat a poached egg on toast, I don't even think about food again until lunchtime. But when I eat a banana mashed on toast, I'm hungry again by morning tea time. I already know it's about the proteins... but I do love bananas...so I'm not going to stop having it now and then... but I will  plan better and have a boiled egg for morning tea on the days that I have the banana on toast.

I found a great Australian company that focus on nutrition/diets after bariatric surgery. I bought some of their products...I particularly like their book 'Spoon for thought', which has the most common foods and tells you how many spoons of sugar/fat are in them. Kinda works like the WW points system, but  the visual is quick and influential on your choices.

I'm feeling strong and in control... and I'm definitely taking better care of myself. 

One slip with the drinking... I was away in Sydney for two nights for work and went out with my work mates... I made a point of being the designated driver to curb the drinking...but I did have a drink. I don't think I was mentally prepared for a social situation when usually I'm the first to have a drink in my hand.... I didn't really want to explain to them all that the boss had a drinking problem!

But I've not started drinking at home again... so maybe rather than seeing it as a slip up...maybe it's just appropriate use of alcohol... hmmm not sure if that's a cop out of if that's ok. 

Brief update

Hi Reader (notice the singular use here) lol

Things are going well. Had a headache yesterday afternoon which I think was maybe sugar withdrawals. Went for a 40 minute walk with the boy (hubby) after tea and by the end of it the headache was gone. I really enjoyed the walk...looking around at the new houses in the area and spending a bit of time with the boy. I felt sleepy when I got home so I had a warm shower (to thaw out from the coldness outside) and went to bed.

I loved that when I went to bed I had messages coming in from my two besties checking in on me to see how I was going. They also asked about my alcohol intake. It's at zero, and I'm doing ok, but I pointed out that I have learnt in the past that around day 4 is the hardest day. One made a great suggestion that I prepare for that. So I have chatted with the boy and we are going to go to a movie or a walk somewhere... we will work it out tonight.

Getting motivated to forget about motivation

My mindset is decidedly different to my usual 'lets find some motivation to shed some pounds'. It's nice to just focus on being nice to me. 

I ate really good whole foods today and was instantly reassured that my gastric sleeve is still everything it should be. e.g., for brekkie I had a poached  egg and some mashed avocado on a slice of toast... could only eat a little over half of it.  It's amazing how much crap processed foods you can get down... but sticking to healthy foods, I'm satisfied quickly.

I found a good Aussie website last night... perfect for me and my situation post op... I have ordered a few books that will help me get a handle again on what to eat. They even have specific meal plans for me (as of course, the usual weight watcher style plans are no longer suitable). I'm looking forward to having some variety in my eating...I think it will help me keep interested.

I drank some water today, but still not enough. I only had two coffees, and for a work day that is a big improvement. I didn't even miss them...just thought about wanting to be healthy... reminding myself that I do not get hungry, just 'head hungry'.

I had planned to go for a walk tonight, but the weather is pretty crappy, so I'm opting for a bath instead. Usually that would fill me with guilt...but my focus here is self-care... so there will be no regrets for choosing one self care activity over another. :)

I feel ok as far as alcohol goes... I sorta want a drink, but honestly think I am really thirsty and have been dehydrated for a very long time lol. So I'm drinking water for now. There is no alcohol in the house and I don't intend to buy any. I know there will be harder days. But today was a good day. One day at a time huh?

Here I am

Hi Gang,

Well it's been a long time since I've had a stab at blogging...it's really quite a retro thing to do... but you know what...it used to work for me. So here it goes.

I've been around the blogging world for a long time... my eldest child is nearly 17, and I think I started when she was around 2-3 years old. Weight has always been an issue...in recent years (since my gastric sleeve) this has been less so... but lately I have begun to replace food with alcohol and I'm keen to stop this. So it's 'so long' to this:

I saw a psychologist a few years back who said that because I am time poor, I use food and alcohol to de-stress...they are the quickest way. So when food was no longer an option for me, I began to use alcohol more... but of course this is not a healthy option. So now it's self-care that I will focus on... remove the stress where possible, and de-stress in a healthy way rather than an unhealthy way.
I have an awesome but stressful job...this is going to be a challenge...but I'm so up for this!